I Do Not Feel Heard

I spent years convincing myself that my voice carried no weight.

I constantly reminded myself that my words would never be worthy of listening ears.

But now I find myself unbinding the chain of insecurity and destruction that my adolescent mind wound around my sub-conscience.

The process began with declaring my presence in every space I entered. Which then shifted to sharing my writing with the world which has led me to walking a thin line between silent writing and loud speaking.

When I feel safe, I express myself through both. When I don’t feel safe, I find myself stumbling back to “you are not enough” & “you are not worthy of being heard”

When I don’t feel safe, I find all the progress I’ve made crumbling to pieces.

Sometimes I use simple phrases to express complex feelings…it’s my way of keeping intense emotions tangible.

But just for clarification,

I don’t feel safe here means:

You don’t hear me.

I can’t stop telling myself that I am not enough.

I can’t speak and that makes me feel like I can’t breathe.

My mind is made of minefields and everyday is a constant battle to avoid and escape danger.

I haven’t yet learned to heal this hurt.

I can’t afford to exist like this much longer.

Many times I’ve put the survival of others before my own but not today. Today I choose myself.

This is my Self-Love journey.

This is my Road to Recovery.

This is my Battle and my War.

I will never stop fighting for myself.