I spent years convincing myself that my voice carried no weight.
I constantly reminded myself that my words would never be worthy of listening ears.
But now I find myself unbinding the chain of insecurity and destruction that my adolescent mind wound around my sub-conscience.
The process began with declaring my presence in every space I entered. Which then shifted to sharing my writing with the world which has led me to walking a thin line between silent writing and loud speaking.
When I feel safe, I express myself through both. When I don’t feel safe, I find myself stumbling back to “you are not enough” & “you are not worthy of being heard”
When I don’t feel safe, I find all the progress I’ve made crumbling to pieces.
Sometimes I use simple phrases to express complex feelings…it’s my way of keeping intense emotions tangible.
But just for clarification,
I don’t feel safe here means:
You don’t hear me.
I can’t stop telling myself that I am not enough.
I can’t speak and that makes me feel like I can’t breathe.
My mind is made of minefields and everyday is a constant battle to avoid and escape danger.
I haven’t yet learned to heal this hurt.
I can’t afford to exist like this much longer.
Many times I’ve put the survival of others before my own but not today. Today I choose myself.
This is my Self-Love journey.
This is my Road to Recovery.
This is my Battle and my War.
I will never stop fighting for myself.