Currently, my Self-Love journey feels a lot like asking myself to heal and heal safely. In the midst of this season, I am focusing on prioritizing myself in a way I haven’t before. Prior to this season, I spent a lot of energy processing experiences and distancing myself from people who hurt me. Which began with forgiveness and acceptance. Now that I’ve come to terms with all that I’ve experienced and had time to process it all, I can concentrate my energy on the next step. A while ago, I realized that there is a definite difference between growth and healing. Growth occurs naturally with no intentional effort on our behalf. Growth, at times, requires nothing but the passing of time. Many of us experience growth no matter what. Healing, however, requires intentional effort and work. Healing is not possible without our dedicated time and energy. A while ago, I also realized that I’m not just healing for myself. I’m healing for myself, those around me but most importantly, I’m healing for my future children. I’m healing so that the hurt in me doesn’t perpetuate a hurt in them. I’m healing to break generational curses. I’m healing because I’ve seen what happens to those who do not make healing a priority in their youth. Self-Love right now, looks like open and honest conversations with those who hurt me without feeling the need to exist in that space indefinitely. Healing is acknowledging that I am still angry and hurt about some situations. Healing is feeling the emotions that aren’t always enjoyable and moving through the process of repairing and rebuilding.
As a 23 year old, I’m learning that I don’t know everything. There are parts of me that I need to invest energy into understanding and experiences I need to invest energy into healing from. If we spend 5 months walking on one leg, that leg will become stronger than the other so that if we go back to walking with both legs the adjustment period may feel a little strange. The adjustment period should not signify to us that we are meant to walk on one leg. Similarly, we often find ourselves overcompensating after a traumatic experience and months or years later we may find ourselves saying things like “this I just who I am”. I admonish you today, do not limit yourself to the habits you developed as a reaction to your traumatic experiences just as I’d admonish you to walk with both legs. In the end, it’s far more beneficial to make use of both legs and to heal from the experiences that hurt you.
Healing isn’t easy, but it’s where I am in this Self-Love journey. I’m taking it one day at a time. I’m gaining a better understanding of my triggers and allowing this understanding to guide me to where my hurt is.
Happy Self-Love Sunday everyone! Keep healing!