Hello beautiful, mindful and amazing human. I am grateful you are reading the words I write.
It has been quite a long time since I’ve shared a blog post but deleting this website never crossed my mind because of how much I love and revere this medium. I wanted a safe space to share my thoughts long before I purchased this web address so when I entered a season of quiet (one devoid of writing and posting) it never crossed my mind to get rid of this space.
It’s been four hundred and two days (one year, one month and six days) since I shared on this platform after posting consistently for weeks, months and years. My time away has been necessary, helpful and absolutely beautiful.
I believe there’s a fluidity to poetry, writing and self-expression. Some seasons require an outward express (such as writing and sharing frequently) while other seasons require an inward search (such as spending time with self, reading, consuming, questioning and interacting with those you love on a very personal and intimate level).
I realized that after a while, fear kept me from sharing on this platform again. Over the span of the 400 plus days since the last time I posted, I forgot that I shared on this platform because it made me happy & I forgot that this medium connected me with amazing, intuitive, helpful and self-aware people.
I forgot that the value in this experience rests in the peace and happiness that writing and posting gives me. I forgot that my words hold enough value and weight to share them with others.
I’m currently reading “You are a B*d*ss at Making Money” by Jen Sincero. Sincero challenges the reader to take the time to determine something in their life that is not serving them, that they find yourself holding on to for the security that it gives them. Sincero then challenges the reader to let go of that thing.
I wracked my brain trying to think of something I’m holding onto that isn’t serving me. In this season, the list of “things that don’t serve me” is aggressively shorter than previous seasons. I’m in a much healthier place and I don’t find myself holding onto things with blaring red flags. However, I realized that even though I’m in a much better and healthier place, I still hold onto a deeply rooted fear of not having enough and/or not being enough.
After contemplating, I realized that I fear returning to this platform, writing with my heart on my sleeve and spending hours each week cultivating this website for free when bills are due. I’m working over 50 hours a week, my two fur babies rely on me for everything, and I have multiple important relationships I must prioritize. I fear not having enough time, enough energy and enough to say.
Jen Sincero urges the reader to repeatedly write a new truth about money (after unpacking the truths they previously internalized). My truth is: “I am aligned with the wealth I deserve.” This truth gives me the space to do the things I enjoy without the fear of losing opportunities for wealth and growth. It offers me the space to do the things I love even if they don’t provide me with monetary gain.
I am aligned with the wealth I deserve.
Sharing on this website makes me happy and for that reason, I’ll write and share and do so with a smile on my face. This experience takes nothing from me, it only adds. It’s already intrinsically true that I am aligned with the wealth I deserve, I will not fear the loss of money and time. All that is for me is already mine.
I will make $100,000.
I will make $100,000. This isn’t a hope/dream or aspiration. This is a fact. While reading Sincero’s words, the phrase “I will make $100,000” pressed its way to my mind’s centerstage. I acknowledged this thought and realized immediately that I felt deeply connected to it. It is a truth.
For weeks, I’ve been riddled with the fear of insufficiency for many reasons. But I think you’d understand better if I take the time to introduce you to today’s version of Briana Symone. In the 400 plus days I’ve been away from this platform I quit the job that paid me most, moved out of my parent’s home, adopted a cat, spent months working while looking for a new job, got my master’s degree and so much more.
I’m in a very good place with much to be grateful for but the deep-rooted fear of insufficiency has followed me into this season so I’m doing my best to constantly affirm and encourage myself.
With age, I’m realizing that each season requires various tools. At times, they are tools cultivated during previous seasons that already exist in your toolkit but sometimes, they are tools that must be cultivated during your current season in an effort to rise to the occasion.
This season is requiring a level of heightened financial awareness and truthfully, the fear of insufficiency cannot serve as the foundation for mindful, insightful and beneficial financial decisions. So, it’s definitely time for a new tool to be added to my toolkit. It’s time to uproot beliefs about money that do not serve me and cultivate new beliefs and tools.
Affirmations for this week
If you find yourself overwhelmed by your current season but also unsure of how to make changes, I recommend making space for quiet. Give yourself the space to take stock of where you are and what you have while also considering who this season needs you to be. Life is so fluid and beautiful that at times its unpredictability can feel overwhelming. When these feelings arise, it could simply mean that it’s time for a new tool. Be patient with yourself, don’t allow previous beliefs and habits to limit your growth.
You are worthy of all that comes with each amazing new season, don’t be afraid to rise to the occasion, shed beliefs that no longer serve you, cultivate new tools and affirm yourself. You are deserving of all the amazing things occurring around you.
The Introvert's Escape Maneuver 