God and Inadequacy

Anxiety closes doors you hold open for me.

Insecurity whispers lies about me so loud it drowns out your voice.

Fear makes my knees buckle beneath the weight of my menacing inner critic.

This isn’t another poem about convincing myself that I’m good enough despite constantly feeling like I’m not.

No, this isn’t a poem about that at all.

This is a poem about God.

It’s about being created, loved, nurtured, taken care of and still believing I’m not enough.

This is a poem about ignoring the miracles around me, within me and throughout my life and still questioning my existence.

This is a poem about being enough and still believing the lies the darkness says about me.

This is a poem about defying the odds and still questioning my own existence.

When I ignore your love does your heart break a little?

When I’m oblivious to the path you lay before me, do you question my calling?

When I dim my own light, do you hold your breath?

When I allow the opinions of others to shape my reality, do you shake your head at my ignorance?

I, holding universes within my being.

I, the survivor of near-death experiences.

I, the recipient of life changing love.

I, possessing all this love and light have the audacity to question my worth

but yet, you still love me.

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