Myths about Self-Love

Happy Self-Love Sunday! Let’s start with a few affirmations

1. You are enough.

2. The journey is worth it.

3. Don’t be discouraged because your growth doesn’t fit the model you created.

Going into this new week I am full of hope and gratitude. The summer is nearly over and I’m embarking on a new journey in August. I’m excited yet scared but I’m also very hopeful. This week I was on Instagram when I saw a picture of a tweet about Self-Love. As one may assume, my interest was immediately peaked because I’m in a season when Self-Love is something I’m concentrating on. I didn’t take a picture of the post so I can’t regurgitate the words verbatim. The general message was

“This Self-Love trend is going to end up hurting most of you when you all end up alone and sad in a few years because you’ve decided to avoid what “doesn’t serve you” instead of learning conflict resolution”

This tweet immediately annoyed me until I realized that the woman who tweeted this and I define “Self-Love” differently.

I believe a lot us get into the habit of believing our society’s definition of normality. We believe it is normal to work consistently with no regard to our physical or mental well-being. We’ve been told that speaking about our mental health is abnormal.

We live (especially in America as minorities) in a culture that tells us that handling our own issues (quietly) is the only way. This culture also tell us that taking time for ourselves, going on “Self-Love Journeys” is odd and abnormal.

To me, Self-Love requires a lot more work than allowing society to dictate your definition of a good life. Self-Love, for me, is filling in all the gaps/holes in my life. It is being introspective and intentional. It is evaluating the areas in my life that need change and actually putting in the work to bring forth that change. It is realizing what I am doing wrong and have done wrong, forgiving myself and making the necessary changes.

By my definition of Self-Love, there is no avoiding what doesn’t serve you. As you evaluate your position in life and the entities and environments that influence your energy you may realize that certain things leave you drained. These things may be defined as “not serving you”. After realizing what things don’t serve me then comes the most complicated part. At that point I have to evaluate the situation from every perspective. I have to ask myself,

“Am I the cause of this tension?” “Can a shifted perspective improve my position?” “Why do I feel this way?” “What is this feeling?” Etc.

Walking away from what doesn’t serve you happens after deep contemplation. It is not always the right answer and it’s definitely not the solution to every problem. However, walking away is necessary in certain circumstances. When walking away is what’s best for me and my current position, I DO IT WITHOUT HESITATION. No, it’s not easy. Yes, I’ve found myself running back to old habits and environments that don’t serve me but I’m often been reminded of the reason(s) I walked away in the first place.

Walking away from what doesn’t serve you isn’t an appropriate summary of Self-Love. Actually, it’s a insulting over-simplification.

Self-Love is about feeding yourself exactly what you need to grow. Your Self-Love Journey shouldn’t leave you alone and sad so if you find that it is, darling you’re doing it wrong.

Happy Self-Love Sunday everyone!