On December 27, 2018 I pulled out my massive white board and began to write my “Pre-2019 Plan”. This plan was created to ensure that I was mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually prepared for the new year. No, I didn’t have much time since the new year was quickly approaching but once school was out for break, I finally had the opportunity to go into “goal-setting” mode. The plan was mostly a posting schedule for my blog and social media platforms along with scheduled time to focus on writing. After I finished writing out my “Pre-2019 Plan” I made a list of goals for the 2019 Calendar year. The list contained these goals and many more:
1. Workout consistently
3. Write everyday.
5. Submit my book to publishing companies.
7. Submit poems and short stories for competitions every month
8. Read more frequently
9. Save “undisclosed amount” (I can’t share all my secrets)
10. Get into Grad School
11. Get a real job
I never make New Year resolutions, I make New Day resolutions. I don’t like to be confined to a calendar year since growth is constant and I like being able to change directions when necessary. However, I do like to make markers (attainable short term-goals) because I like to check boxes off. I like being able to monitor my own growth, even if the progress I make is only something I notice.
Well we’re more than halfway through 2019 and looking back at some of these goals I have to laugh. During finals week and while preparing for graduation, I didn’t even look at the gym, so I fell off the “workout everyday” wagon. I haven’t been motivated to write (these blog posts are sometimes the only things I write all week) so I definitely didn’t accomplish the “write everyday” goal.
I’ve come to a lot of realizations that have the potential to make me feel like a failure but as I look back over the year, standing on the shore of my life, I am grateful. Grateful that I live a life that ebbs and flows, fluidity is beautiful. I will not always be able to produce the results I expect but I will always be capable of being my best self. There will be moments when I’m not “on my grind” or “in my bag” followed by seasons when I am the bag and all I do is grind. It’s an amazing feeling to stand at the shore of my own life, seemingly frozen in time, and reflect on how the various phases molded me into exactly who I’m meant to be.
This is true for all of us. Since life ebbs and flows, sometimes a break or an opportunity to reflect is what we need to remind us of how far we’ve come. That pain you felt 3 years ago? Remember when you thought you’d never heal from it? Now looking back at those scars, the ones you intentionally treated with gentleness and care, aren’t you grateful for growth? Aren’t you grateful for mindful healing? I know I am. As I stand at the shore of time, I can’t help but be appreciative of the way it all ebbs and flows.