In December I wrote 12 short responses to 12 prompts, one for each month of 2021. I will be sharing the prompts and their responses here monthly (I didn’t share February’s so here is a post containing both February’s and March’s). I wrote the italicized words in December and the words in bold are my present day responses to the italicized words.
I know all about you. I feel you right now. Exhaustion is 5 hours of sleep and the fear of caffeinated jitters. Exhaustion is the struggle to keep your eyes open while doing something you would’ve otherwise enjoyed. I am familiar with your gaze, your habits and rituals. I live with you, beside you, inside you. We are often so close we become one, Siamese twins, always existing in the same space.
I’m still exhausted and 5 hours of sleep sounds like a great night at this point, but I can’t complain.
Friendship is complicated. Its complexity confuses me and leaves me trying to define and classify the things I don’t quite understand. Friendship is difficult but worthy. Relationships come and go but healthy friendships have what it takes to withstand the heavy seasons, wind, storm, and flood.
I remember writing this at a time when I didn’t feel loved. I often convince myself that being alone is the only choice I have. Living away from my friends while learning myself and evolving as a person has been a difficult process and being without the security and comfort of having a friend physically close at all times reminded me of all the moments I took their presence for granted. I can be a better friend. I can love harder, I can forgive deeper, I can empathize better but I find myself getting in my own way. I allow my negative thoughts to convince me that friendship is hard, forgetting that overthinking is harder. I think myself into a state of helplessness but, my friends are lovely. They’re beautiful people who add color, music, laughter and love to my life. Friendship is full and joyous and, yes, it has its complexities but it doesn’t make it any less worthy of holding close.