Happy Self-Love Sunday!
I hope all is well in your life and if all is not well, which is extremely likely, I hope you are coping.
As I shared last week, the most important lesson this year has taught me is to have gratitude through the chaos.
Sometimes seasons of chaos equip us with the necessary tools to become the people we were always destined to be.
However, during these seasons it’s difficult to see the chaos through a positive perspective.
When everything seems to be crashing down around you, it can be overwhelming to reframe your experience into something positive.
In all honesty, most of us don’t realize how important the difficult seasons are to our growth until after the fact, sometimes we may never look back at the chaos and think “that definitely happened for my benefit”.
However, I want to offer a few suggestions for surviving the chaos.
Of course, everyone is different and what works for me may seem like total foolishness to you buttttt I think, if you feel drawn to any of these suggestions, I admonish you to give it/them a chance.
When my life feels overwhelming, the first thing I like to do is take stock of what is happening.
I like to ask myself questions like this:
Where is the discontent and disfunction sourced?
What am I feeling and why?
What can I control?
What is out of my control?
Answering these questions usually gives me a sense of ease, even if it’s only temporary, because I’m able to break the chaos into bite-size pieces rather than trying to tackle everything at once.
The final two questions are my absolute favorite because they directly call me to action to fix what I have control over and to shift my perspective on that which is out of my control.
What good is it to know that you have no control over something while giving it the power to dictate your mood?
Pause. In no way am I saying that you are not allowed to react to things that are difficult. In no way am I saying that you should simply ignore or get over the things you cannot control. What I am saying is, sometimes our perspective on a situation causes our detriment. Grieving is healthy, crying is healthy, taking time for yourself is healthy but making yourself sick by feeding yourself negative thoughts like “it’s all my fault”, “I’m not good enough”, “I should’ve done ______ differently”…etc, will only put you in a worse position. This leads me to my next suggestion.
One thing I recently started doing which has made a world of difference is asking myself the questions:
What is the situation? What are my feelings about the situation? What judgements do I have about the situation? What is the story I am telling myself?
I found myself answering the final question with “It is all my fault” time and time again.
I was carrying stress and turmoil that didn’t deserve to be on my shoulders.
Once I gave the feelings and judgements I had about the situation the permission to be just that, feelings and judgements, I allowed space for a perspective that acknowledged the reality of the situation by itself.
Yes, the situation will still be chaotic, but giving your feelings and judgements the permission to simply be feelings and judgments allows us to begin to attack the heart of the matter.
Stepping back and viewing chaotic situations from an objective point of view devoid of the heavy emotions that often dictated my approach allows me the chance to see the situation for what it truly is.
Getting out of the habit of allowing definitive and negative language to determine our perspectives on a situation allows us to see it for what it truly is which makes space for swift and appropriate action.
My final suggestion is my favorite and if you’ve been following along for even a few posts you may be able to guess what my final suggestion is
When all else fails, AFFIRM, SPEAK LIFE, ENCOURAGE YOURSELF
Sorry, I didn’t mean to shout…I’m just really passionate about affirmations. They have changed my life.
Long story short, affirmations help to reprogram our brain. My therapist once explained it as “creating a new pathway for thoughts”. Over time, I learned to turn “I’m not good enough” into “I am enough” and that in itself has propelled me into a new way of thinking, seeing and doing. I am a better person today because my thoughts are better.
When in the midst of chaos, I admonish you to speak life over yourself.
I don’t know what that looks like for you in your particular journey but you can begin by asking yourself,
What do I wish someone would say to me right now?
What do I need to hear more than anything else?
Give yourself the positive affirmation you deserve and may need.
The goal of this post is to somehow be a light during this season, if all is well in your life and you’ve read up until this point, thank you and if all is not well in your life and you’ve read up until this point, thank you.
I hope that when chaos finds you, you are able to create and maintain the routines and habits that carry you through.
Happy Self-Love Sunday everyone!