Planning for the Intangible

On Wednesday I made a schedule outlining how I plan to work 45 hours, go to classes for a total of 9+ hours and achieve all of my goals every week.

Hours later, I made a reading schedule to help regulate how and when I finish reading the two books my heart desires to finish before the month is over.

I use plans to regulate the chaos in my life.

Staring at an excel spread sheet after spending hours dedicated to its cohesiveness gives me peace.

A few months ago I stopped attempting to make the numbers make sense because, frankly, it was impossible.

My monthly bills and the hours in each day weren’t adding up to my expenses and the work/goals I had on my back.

I felt more like an adult than I ever had before and it felt absolutely depleting.

I’m amazing at planning and budgeting. My sophomore year in college I made $17.50 last me an entire semester (obviously I wasn’t driving my car because I couldn’t afford gas).

Burritos and cafeteria food kept me full and on occasion my “sorry, I cant afford it” was met with a gracious “I’ll pay for you”.

My point is, I’m a planner, a think-ahead-er, a “I want it this exact way because any other way doesn’t make sense to me”-er

And for this reason, existing during the last few months of my life has been a complete test of faith.

I had to trust that there were lessons to be learned in a season that forced me to step outside of the comfort of always knowing. I had to see the beauty in learning to let go.

But by faith and grace, my tears of distress were met with tears of victory because now as I sit on the other side with the promise of another employment opportunity that more than doubles my monthly income, I realize that faith and the ability to trust are far more valuable than planning and budgeting. Mind you, as soon as I got the call about receiving the job opportunity, I updated my financial plan and budget but only after I gave thanks to the Lord for the opportunities I didn’t have faith enough to believe in.

But here I am on the other side, asking God to give me the stregnth to have faith the next time the numbers don’t add up and the plans don’t make sense.

Are you a planner like me or the more “go with the flow” type? Wherever you find yourself on the spectrum, it is rare that the unknown never caused you even the slightest discomfort. In the moments when it doesn’t add up, or make any sense to you, trust that there is a higher power & a greater purpose. Remember that the most difficult lessons are the most important to learn. Trust that there is a way out, even if you can’t see it.

Happy Free-Thinking Friday everyone!