I’m passive for fear of being misunderstood. I speak less because I was taught “it’s better to be thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.” I told my best-friend’s dad that the book I’m writing is entitled “The Introvert’s Escape Room” and he responded,
“You’re an introvert?! I couldn’t tell.”
I just nodded my head because I didn’t know how to say,
“I’ve learned comfort in black arms.
I no longer tremble in fear the way I used to.
I only run from things I don’t yet understand.
You have cheekbones like your daughters, so I’ve never feared your presence
So we have 30 minute conversations about life and love.
So we greet each other with smiles wide, teeth white and eyes aglow.
I’m an introvert who knows comfortable.
I’m an introvert who knows quiet.
Sometimes the noise in my head is louder than everything else around me.
Sometimes I linger too long. I walk away too soon. I laugh too loud. I don’t cry enough.
This morning I felt great but right now it feels like the entire room is filled with gray clouds. I can hear them moving, they sound like the noise your mom makes when she’s disappointed in you. As though the words she wants to say got caught in her throat and all she can do is look at you with tears in her eyes. They feel like ‘I know I’m good enough….I think.’ They taint the room with the smell of a linty old closet that holds the clothes you used to wear when you hated your own body.
I’m familiar with overthinking,
I assume it feels a lot like drowning”
Some days I just sit at my computer and write whatever is on my mind. The last time I did that was “It’s Monday” but,
This post is entitled “Honesty”
So, here is a large part of me.
Take it or leave it but this is how I feel, honestly.
I just wanted to share a little bit of “Honesty”.
What are the words you keep inside even though you know you’d feel lighter without carrying them like ball and chain around your ankle everywhere you go?
If you don’t choke on your own words the way I do…what are you hiding from everyone, including yourself? How do you find release?
Happy Free-Thinking Friday! See you on Sunday!