In you I lost a lot but in you I found myself.
You were riddled with the loss of relationships, the death of loved ones and the highs and lows of my mental, physical and emotional health. My heart ached, my soul wept and I felt and felt and felt.
I don’t blame you…if anything, I thank you. I learned and I loved but most importantly I experienced. There were many difficult days followed by sleepless nights but they made me cherish random talks with friends, the kind words of strangers and the laughter of my classmates even more. Sorrow and loss allowed me to appreciate joy and growth.
The experiences I had within your days left me feeling like I was being planted. It felt like a divine being saw who I was and how far she was from who I needed to be and lovingly placed me below the surface of the earth to do the necessary growing. It felt like watching myself lose everything only to realize that my hands were still completely full. I found myself losing the elements of “Briana” I loved the most only to look in the mirror and realize that without them it’s far easier to see my heart. This year felt dark and heavy yet the taste of victory and deep-rooted joy never left my lips.
A new year rarely ever feels like a fresh start to me so this letter is simply my attempt at appreciating the past 12 months for what they were. Tomorrow I will strive to be better than I was today; better for myself, my loved ones and future generations. I’ve never been one for celebrating a new year or making resolutions but my favorite practice is acknowledging, accepting and appreciating all that I’ve lived through. I am here. I am present. I am grateful.
If you’re reading this and your reality has shifted in ways that make your knees buckle and your stomach uneasy, I pray you find your footing and I hope you find peace.
Happy New Year everyone!