Happy Self-Love Sunday! This Sunday the focus is fear and what we can do to face the fears that affect us on a constant basis. I’m very blessed to have many beautiful and amazing people in my life so today’s post will feature one of those beautiful and amazing people, my good friend, Karee. Karee is an author and a blogger. Follow her blog and check out her book (I cried when I read it). I asked her to share her insight on this topic because her advice has helped me during many difficult times in my life. The first section is written by yours truly and then you’ll be touched by the words of Karee.
I spend a lot of time self-reflecting. Like a lot of time. Sometimes it’s scary how much time I spend analyzing and reanalyzing my thoughts and actions. I constantly ask myself who I am and how I want the world to see me. This Sunday I want to focus on fears. I’ve been doing a lot of studying into personality types and how each type interacts with the world. I’m most likely doing this to justify my somewhat unexplainable tendencies. That being said, I have a lot of fears. I’m not referring to being afraid of things like snakes and heights. I’m afraid of not deserving the love that someone shows to me. I’m afraid I’ll never be good enough. I’m afraid I’ll never find my place in this world. I’m afraid I’ll never learn how to heal properly. Since every day is full of self-reflection, my mind is constantly racing with questions and statements that I haven’t learned to respond to. I often find myself trying to quiet the noise with conversations or music but it’s almost impossible to block out your own thoughts. I spend hours writing and reading and that seems to be one of the few things that make the self-reflection feel more like a search for true healing rather than an aggressive witch-hunt.
But this week, I’m stepping away from myself and giving myself the credit I deserve. I’m a hard-working human who is learning and growing every single day. I deserve the good things that come my way and self-sabotage is a completely useless skill. From now on, I will remind myself that I can’t control everything and I definitely can’t control how everyone is feeling. The most important and difficult part will be trying to remain positive and supportive. Now, I don’t know what your fears are but I do know that you deserve every bright and beautiful thing that comes your way. I encourage you to stay light and allow the world to operate without trying to be everyone’s voice (I’m definitely speaking to myself). Don’t fear the things you can’t control but let the universe work the way it’s made to. The irrational fears that shake you the way inadequacy and the fear of not deserving love shake me, should be handled with care and delicacy. For those fears, I do my best to unpack them first. I talk to those I trust and those I know have the ability to give me practical solutions to my problems. Very soon I’m going to start speaking with a professional who, hopefully, will inform me of appropriate ways to tackle these fears on a daily basis. I try to step away from the situation and ask myself if I’m handling it fairly and appropriately.
-Briana (your resident introvert)
The word combat sounds so militant. Boots on the ground. Rifles on shoulders. Salutes. Formations (okay, ladies). Because of this and the way society encourages hitting things head-on for performance sake, combatting fear can often end up being a process that seeks to please external factors rather than an honest journey that values authenticity over performance.
Right now, I’m working on my fear of not being ‘enough.’ I wish I could tell you what exactly I’m not enough for, but that’s the thing about fears and anxieties — sometimes, we can’t explain them the way we feel them.
I have three options to dealing with this fear. One is to just ignore it. Two is power through it, bulldozing anyone or anything that threatens to exacerbate the fear. Three is to break combatting the fear into digestible chunks and conquering a chunk at a time. That’s the way I want to do it.
The last chunk I conquered was the one where I consciously decide to distance myself from people in places where I’m not celebrated. These people made me feel like I was invaluable or, on the flip side, that I was too overbearing, regardless of how much I tried to shift and mold myself for them. Just because I love them or have known them for a long time means nothing if my mind raises alarms every time I’m around them. I have to make the decision that’s best for me in the long run.
Getting over this fear is a long-term goal. If I fall-back, I can’t beat myself up over it. If I find myself turning into someone I don’t want to be, I can be honest with myself and ask my loved ones to keep me accountable. If I find myself confused, I should feel no shame in asking for help. Fears are big, booming, terrifying things that exist in our mind and are valid. Take time to work on overcoming your fears. Don’t be afraid and don’t be ashamed.
-The amazing Karee
I hope you enjoyed this Self-Love Sunday! See you on Friday!