I confidently remove the “bonnet of protection” that was handed down to me from generations of Afro-wearing sistas. “You smell that?”, my little brother says, interrupting the sacred moments before I check my curls. “Smell what?”, I respond sniffing fearfully. The fresh smell of rose water fades as I inhale slowly. “Are you burning incense again?!” I ask, as I try to push the tainted air out of my lungs. He nods proudly and walks away sniffing the air. Shutting the bathroom door behind him, I turn my attention back to the mirror and continue the ritual of assessing my twist out. It is day five and my curls are still popping! This is the greatest twist out of my natural hair career. “Goddesses of light & Mother Gaia, I call on you today. Be the moisture in my curl. Be the bounce in my strands. Protect me against the evil forces of all who may try to ruin this majestic twist out”, I declare with pick in hand, fluffing my curls. The birds begin to sing, like in the Cinderella movie and rose petals fall from above as the goddesses of light prepare me for my day. The day progresses uneventfully when suddenly at 4:23 EST I notice a negative energy approaching, kinda like when Spider-Man’s spidey senses start tingling—yea that type of thing. So in the middle of the parking lot outside of my bank (I was honestly just trying to run errands), I whip my head around to find the source. A middle aged woman smiles and rushes to me as she coos, “oooh I just love your hair, it’s like tiny little springs are just sitting on top of your head” and suddenly the sky turns black as her right arm leaves it’s rightful home by her side as she raises it towards me, “Mother Gaia”, I whisper, “protect me”. As the woman’s long fingers attempt to make their final descent onto my majestic curls, the earth begins to shake. The woman’s face shifts and terror fills her eyes as the earth beneath her opens up. “Oh. My. God!!!! I didn’t know!!” She screams as she falls deep into the center of the earth. “Well, you never asked”, I answer, knowing it’s too late and she can’t hear me. “Thank you Mother Gaia”, I whisper through smiling teeth, “you always come through”.
Every curly girl has the ability to harness the natural power of the goddesses of light and Mother Gaia but not every curly girl desires to, so instead they just tell you, “don’t touch my hair”.
Save yourself today and ask a curly girl before you touch her precious crown. We are not pets to be rubbed and the hair that grows out of our heads is not to be fetishized. You know not the power we possess. Save us the trouble and restrain yourself, we’d hate to have to use our power against you.
The Introvert's Escape Maneuver 
Ha!
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